by Barb Winters
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8 NIV). When I think of sextortion, this is the verse that comes to mind. As the devil disguises himself, sextortionists are disguised as caring people.
Sextortion is a threat to the next generation. Thankfully, with healthy relationships and open conversations, we can prepare and defeat this enemy.
Sextortion Defined
According to Thorn, sextortion “is when someone’s sexual imagery is used to extort them. Put simply, it’s when someone, the sextortionist, blackmails or threatens to expose another person’s sexual imagery to make that person do something they don’t want to do, like send more compromising photos, maintain a relationship, or send money.” Thorn’s research shows that 1 in 5 teens reported experiencing sextortion, and 1 in 3 victims knew their extortionist in real life.
Often, teens send an explicit image to a partner, believing their exchange is for their eyes only. Then, either quickly or after time passes, the offender uses the content against them. In some cases, victims haven’t met their blackmailer in person. I’ve read documented accounts of teens who chose death by suicide after they were sextorted online. One such teenage boy thought he was interacting with a teenage girl on Instagram. Only it wasn’t a teen girl. And the predators recorded the “sexual encounter.” They threatened to send the video to his friends and family if he didn’t pay them. He died by suicide.
Boys and girls alike are caught in these schemes. These preteens and teens believe wholeheartedly that they’re communicating with a peer or someone who loves them. They trust the person on the other end of the screen. The victim complies with requests made under false pretenses. Then the threats begin. Sometimes offenders ask for money. Other times, they ask for more images or videos, which can be uploaded to pornographic sites. They tell the victim to obey, or they will send what they have to the victim’s friends and family.
Who’s at Risk?
I attended a webinar connecting sextortion and human trafficking to social media, substance abuse, and gaming. The record-breaking attendance signaled how important this information has become and how passionate we are to help the upcoming generation.
Most parents, grandparents, and church leaders want to protect children from any type of harm. To that end, children should understand the downsides to screens, gaming, and social media—mental health issues, bullying, brain development problems, and potential exposure to predators attempting to lure them into trafficking or sextortion. These dangers, including sextortion, have devastating effects spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. According to Thorn, “LGBTQ+ youth experience significantly higher rates of self-harm following sextortion.”
We could easily dismiss all this information, believing only at-risk youth are lured into sextortion or trafficking. However, a startling fact emerged from the webinar: low-risk children are caught in this behavior, too.
At-risk includes youth who live in poverty, or whose parents are divorced, or are part of the LGBTQ+ community, along with a host of other circumstances. However, there’s a difference between at-risk youth and those who have vulnerabilities. Traffickers and predators are master manipulators who know how to exploit any weakness.
All children have vulnerabilities, and any child can be targeted. A preteen may have a great home life, good grades, and participate in sports. However, she may still feel insecure from time to time. An unfriendly remark could be a source of pain one day but not bother her a week later. Traffickers and sextortionists know when to swoop in and what to say in order to manipulate her into their nets.
So, what are some effective ways to keep children safe?
Safety Measures
- Pray. As the opening verse reminds us, “Be alert and of sober mind.” Rely on the Holy Spirit to direct your parenting endeavors.
- Interact. Be available. Discuss difficult subjects so they know you’re willing to talk about anything and everything. Remind them frequently that you love them unconditionally, are available when they’re on top of the world and when they’re in trouble, and you are on their side. Jesus expressed unconditional love, and so should we. Protecting teens begins with cultivating a healthy relationship.
- Talk about and model healthy relationships, beginning with the relationship we have with Jesus. Show them how to spot healthy versus unhealthy interactions. Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, a faith-based book, reminds us that healthy relationships include love, selflessness, mutuality, and beneficial communication. Teach them to look for red flags and green flags within relationships. As Proverbs 12:18 says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
- Educate yourself on social media apps and games. Before your child installs a new app or downloads a new game, try it yourself.
- Use filters and parental controls. Enable “installing apps” restrictions on their phones.
- Monitor online activity.
- Ask your teens to keep their social media platforms private and not to share personal information, especially in private messages.
- Tell them that sextortion is a crime. It’s not their fault, and you’re available to help.
Parenting in the digital age can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Be faithful to your calling, trust God, and offer yourself grace. You’ve got this!
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